dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
