At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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