So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
