my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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