Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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