In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
