i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
