He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
