Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
