New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
