Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize