What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
