Duck Duck Cougar?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
