We won't sleep together?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
