She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
