First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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