come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
