their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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