He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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