Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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