you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
