btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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