Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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