So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize