You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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