I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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