the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
