I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
