Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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