Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
