90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
