So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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