There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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