member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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