Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
