Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
