so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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