So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
