Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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