What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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