So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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