in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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