six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
