Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm like, not good at living.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
