dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
