Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
