If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
