Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
