TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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