i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
