It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
