i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
