life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
