he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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