this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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