PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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