Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
