She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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