For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My life is pants optional.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
