Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
being pregnant is like rehab
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
