wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And then my night got REAL pukey
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
